hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
