We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
