You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
