considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
