I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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