I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
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