How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
