his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
50% drunk capacity currently
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
