PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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