This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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