i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
