Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
