brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
