I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize