if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
