I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
