He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
