The brown eye won't let me do that either.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
