Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Just high enough for therapy.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
