i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
