She's JV to your varsity
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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