omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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