1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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