1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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