I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
