I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize