come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
