U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
