Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
