At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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