Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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