she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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