I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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