i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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