I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
