She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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