So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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