Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize