I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Randomize