Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
