VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
