I'm going to jail i love you
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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