You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
