don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
