I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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