I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
