so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
