I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize