you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
