What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
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