Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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