Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
