I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
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