I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
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