but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize