Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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