I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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