porn star boner night. come get it.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
