I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
