He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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