You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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