This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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