Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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