He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
