so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
You made out with two different species that night
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Randomize