So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
