I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
she looked like the before picture.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
