It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I smell like Dick and happiness
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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