You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize