Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
