I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
