I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I need to calm my uterus...
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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