I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Randomize
