I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
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