You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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