Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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