and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize