You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
