Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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