I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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