You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
