I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
