You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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