Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i was born a porn star she said
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
