I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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