i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
