i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
