i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
