Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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