My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Randomize
