his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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