This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
