I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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