@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
