Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
There r osticjed everywhere
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Randomize
