I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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