She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
