She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
