i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
