Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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