i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
