My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
