So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize