but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Randomize
