after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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